How to be less miserable

This week I’ve been thinking about a book I read 10 months ago. Most books are easily forgotten, but I’ve found this book’s main idea so powerful and helpful that I’ve put a mini notebook by my bed to remind me about it before I go to sleep.

And its idea addresses a problem 99% of us face so you’ll probably find it helpful too.

The book is The Gap & the Gain by Benjamin Hardy & Dan Sullivan.

And their main idea is this…

We all have a tendency to constantly focus on the GAP between where we are and where we want to be. And this makes us miserable (or at least less than happy).

Look in a mirror and without any effort you’ll start to think about how you want your body to be different.

Look at your bank balance and you’ll wish you spent less/had more money/had less debt.

Look at your kids and you’ll think if only they ate better, slept more, sulked less, worked harder at school.

Look at your career and you’ll soon be yearning for less hours/more interesting work/different boss.

Without any effort we instinctively focus on the GAP between our ideal and our current life.

And that makes us miserable.

This happens even when things are going well. When we achieve a goal or get something we want, it doesn’t take long before we want the next latest thing, or to run another race or lose more weight or complete the next project.

We never seem to actually arrive.

But here’s Hardy & Sullivan’s great insight to rescue us.

We shouldn’t be measuring ourselves against our ideal.

We should be measuring ourselves against our progress.

Because when you do this it changes everything.

What would happen if when you thought about your money - you focused on the time you resisted an impulse buy, or thought about how you earn more money now than you used to. And what if for a moment you simply enjoyed a sense of progress.

What would happen when you thought about your kids if you looked at what they had done well, were grateful for the things they had done right, remembered how much you wanted kids before you had them.

What would happen if you are late for the cinema and instead of being stressed and anxious because you missed the start of the film, you instead thought how great it is you get a night out.

Can you see that by focusing on the GAIN, on what has gone well, on where you have made progress, that this will bring you a sense of joy and contentment?

I can and that is why I have started to keep a mini notebook by my bed to remind me to jot down a few things from the day where I have made progress what I am grateful for. I aim for three things but often write more. It is gradual, but I am slowly sensing a shift from focusing on the GAP to seeing a more of the GAIN.

And this is bringing a little more joy and contentment to my life.

How can you find a way to shift your focus from your GAPs to your GAINs?

Your happiness as a person is dependent on what you measure yourself against.

Benjamin Hardy

Recommended resource for the week:

Obviously this week I am going to (highly) recommend you read The Gap & Gain.

If you prefer listening there are also four 20 minute episodes covering the main ideas in the book - Gap & Gain episodes.

And as a bonus recommendation…

Plans by Rend Collective - I’ve been listening to this song a lot lately and it is really lifting my spirits. My favourite line is ‘the story isn’t over’. Indeed whatever is going on in your life, whatever apparent dead ends are in front of you - your story isn’t over. The author wants to write a few more chapters. Why not give the song a listen and let me know what you think of it?