Money Controlled My Life Until These 5 Rules Changed Everything

The money advice no one tells you about

I wasn’t broke. But I worried like I was.

Every unexpected bill felt like a threat. Not because I didn’t have the money — but because I didn’t feel safe.

That’s what no one tells you: money stress doesn’t go away when you earn more. It only quiets when you think differently.

I spent years chasing income. But peace didn’t come from my paycheck. It came from five simple mindset shifts. The kind that make your shoulders drop and your bank balance finally feel like a safety net, not a trap.

If you’re tired of white-knuckling your finances, start here.

1. Leave room for the unexpected

Life doesn’t ask if you’re ready before it breaks something.

Ecclesiastes 10:8 says:

“When you dig a well, you might fall in. When you demolish a wall, you could be bitten by a snake.”

Sounds like a cheerful verse, right?

But here’s the deeper truth. Every good thing in life comes with risk.

• Buy a car? It might break.

• Go on holiday? Your flight could get cancelled.

• Live long enough? Something’s gonna leak, break, or fall apart.

The problem isn’t the problem. The problem is not being prepared for it.

What removed worry was building in margin. A buffer for the things I know will eventually go wrong. I started a “crap happens” fund. Car repairs, kids' shoes, washing machine leaks. Whatever it was, I was ready. And when life threw its punches, it still stung. But it didn’t flatten me. Margin is peace in disguise.

The smartest people I know plan for trouble like it’s a guarantee.

2. Set a better goal than “more”

When I got my first real raise, I felt unstoppable.

That afternoon, I stood in front of the grocery store fridge debating between my usual $3 cheddar and the fancy $9 wedge of aged gouda. I picked the gouda. Because I could.

I upgraded everything. Dinners out instead of takeout, new clothes, new phone. I called it “celebrating.” For about five minutes, it felt amazing.

Then it didn’t.

That gouda became normal. So did the dinners, the clothes. My bank account didn’t feel fatter. Just emptier, faster. I wasn’t richer. I was just… spending more to feel the same.

One morning, I caught myself refreshing my bank app before brushing my teeth. Stressed. Stretched. Wondering how long I could keep this up. That was the moment it hit me: the raise wasn’t freedom. It was a leash. A prettier, shinier, more expensive leash.

And I was already chasing the next one.

Here’s the trap: As your income grows, your expectations grow with it. And the finish line keeps moving. I learned this the hard way: Don’t let your lifestyle rise at the same speed as your income.

Instead, aim for something better than more.

Aim for contentment.

Not the live on lentils and never have fun kind of contentment. The I have enough kind. The kind that lets you say no to pointless upgrades and yes to things that actually matter.

Because most money stress doesn’t come from having too little. It comes from always needing more.

More money isn’t the goal. More margin is.

3. Invest for the future but don’t obsess

Want to know the best-kept secret about building wealth?

It’s boring. Like, watching-oatmeal-cook boring. You don’t need a crystal ball. Or crypto tips. Or seventeen tabs open to track the markets. You need a plan that’s so simple it almost feels wrong:

• Put money away

• Let it sit

• Do literally nothing

That’s it. That’s the magic.

The ants knew it before Warren Buffett did. “They gather food in summer to prepare for winter.” (Proverbs 6:8) Translation: don’t blow your whole paycheck on sandals and smoothies. Think ahead. Save now.

But here’s the part we forget:

You don’t have to obsess. Investing isn’t a second job. It’s not something you micromanage. It’s the opposite. Set it. Forget it. Go live your life.

Start with something simple like a low-cost index fund. Automate it. Walk away. Let time and compound growth do their thing. I watch my kids stress about saving like they’re already behind. But they’re starting a whole decade earlier than I did. That’s their superpower: time.

(Which is great, because they don’t have much money.)

So don’t worry if you’re not rolling in cash. Just start. Small amounts. Long runway. Peace of mind. And if you need a rule? Invest. But don’t obsess. Your portfolio shouldn’t get more attention than your relationships.

Let money work for you while you get back to what actually matters.

4. Say yes to smart debt. And a hard no to dumb debt.

Not all debt is bad but some of it will bury you alive.

Proverbs 22:7 puts it like this: “The borrower is slave to the lender.” Not subtle. Not wrong. Debt isn’t just about money. It’s about freedom.

Now, I’m not here to be your financial purity coach. I’ve used 0% credit to buy a sofa I couldn’t afford in cash. I have a mortgage. I’m not throwing stones. I’m just offering a rule that saved me a ton of regret:

Dumb debt = using money you don’t have to impress people who aren’t watching.
Smart debt = low-interest, low-stress, high-purpose borrowing with a real plan.

If you’re buying to feel better, prove something, or keep up with people you don’t even like… that’s not a purchase. That’s a trap dressed in faux leather.

And debt? It’s clingy. It doesn’t care if you get laid off. Or sick. Or just change your mind about the job/life/city you’re in. It shows up with handcuffs when you most need flexibility.

So here’s the test: If it costs you freedom, it’s not a deal. It’s a leash.

And freedom, friend, is worth more than a velvet sectional.

5. Give first, not last

This one messed with my head at first.

It goes against everything we’re taught about money. I used to give when I could afford it which, let’s be honest, was code for never. There was always something more urgent. The bills. The car. The Aldi impulse buys that somehow added up to $73.

So I tried a new approach.

I started giving first. Not when I had enough. But to remember I already do. Not because I’m holy. Not because I have stacks of cash. But because generosity is the only thing I’ve found that unhooks my soul from money’s death grip.

It reminds me:

• I’m not the source

• I’m not the owner

• I’m just passing it on

And somehow. I can’t explain this. But I never seem to lack what I need. Giving became my quiet rebellion. In a world yelling more, more, more, it’s my whispered I have enough.

I don’t give because I’m rich. I give because I want to be free.

Your move

Look, if you peeked at my bank account, you’d see I don’t stick to these rules like some money monk.

I still earn. I still spend. Occasionally on something stupid. But here’s what I don’t do anymore: worship money like it’s the magic key to peace. It’s not. Peace doesn’t come from more. It comes from margin.

From choosing enough instead of always chasing more. From remembering I’m not the source — just the steward. And every time I forget? Giving reminds me. Trust reminds me. Grace reminds me.

Because the truth is: money lies. But freedom tells the truth.

And freedom starts when you stop bowing to your balance.

You’re not lost. You’re just missing a little nudge in the right direction. Subscribe and start walking toward a life that feels more like you.

Derek