When Life Punches You In The Face, Read One Of These Books
5 books that gave me strength in tough times
Welcome to a little nudge. This week I’ve got:
1 article - 5 books that have strengthen me through some tough time
2 resources I’ve found helpful recently - an autobiography & health podcast
3 quotes to make you think - from Andre Agassi, former Wimbledon champion
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What do you do when life becomes hellish?
Sometimes my life has been so painful I didn’t know if I could carry on:
when my wife of 21 years walked out on me
when I had post-traumatic stress after being held, hostage
facing workplace bullying
In my darkest days, it was these 5 books that provided the wisdom and insights to get me through.
They are all very different in style, tone and what they offer. But all are helpful in their own way.
1. Obstacle Is the Way (Ryan Holiday)
When we face pain we think there are only 2 options.
We either:
*survive it (which is what we hope for)
*or are broken by it (which is what we fear)
Holiday suggests there is a 3rd way. Hard as it is to believe, it is possible to become better as a result of suffering. Our life can improve. Using stoic wisdom Holiday shows us how.
The basic idea is learning to turn every obstacle into an advantage. There are loads of historical examples in the book to show this is possible.
In essence, we need to do what is within our power and accept what isn’t.
This is nice in theory but hard in practice.
The best way to read this book is to take each chapter one at a time and let its strong challenge inspire you for that day. Don’t try to read lots though. You’ll get indigestion.
If you prefer a gentler approach then the next book is for you.
2. The Reality Slap (Russ Harris)
This is a simple introduction to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
It contains many ideas I found helpful. The main value is in the exercises Harris suggests you do. Some of them feel a little bizarre — but they do work. This is not a motivational feel-good book but a guide to dealing with pain. You will need to do the hard work of the exercises to get any gain though.
Harris is a gentle and supportive tone which will appeal to many.
Here’s a couple of quotes to give you a flavour of his writing:
‘Who is the one human being in your life who can always be there for you, at any moment, no matter what happens? Who is the one human being who can understand and empathize with your pain better than anyone else on the planet? Who is the one human being who knows how much you are suffering? You are.’
‘Our thoughts are not the problem. Our thoughts do not create psychological smog. It is the way we respond to our thoughts that creates the smog.’
You can read the 1st 2 chapters here for free.
3. Poetry Pharmacy (William Sieghart)
I don’t like poetry.
I rarely understand it but I love the incredible poems in this book.
Sieghart runs a poetry pharmacy where people come to him with problems they are facing. He prescribes them a poem to read that will help them.
This book has poems for a wide range of problems (50+):
grief
heartbreak
loneliness
anxiety
loss of zest for life
compulsive behaviour
lack of courage
getting older
failing to live in the moment
The brilliance of the book is the 1-page intro Sieghart gives to each poem. He explains the insights it offers. This makes the poem understandable and powerful.
I’ve found that the right poem can do something that all the self-help principles in the world can’t. It can strengthen and shape us.
Even if you hate poetry you should still give this book a try.
4. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years (Donald Miller)
This is an odd read but 100% guaranteed to get you pondering about life.
After writing his best-selling memoir, Donald Miller hit the wall. He spent months lying in bed and avoiding his publisher. Then a producer wants to make a movie about his life. This makes Miller realise his life is too boring for a movie. So he explores how to live a more meaningful life. The book is a mixture of how he did this and his reflections on the process.
It’s an easy read and will leave you re-evaluating your life.
Here are 3 quotes to help decide whether this book is for you:
‘Life could be magical if we are only willing to take a few risks.’
‘Once you live a good story, you get a taste for meaning in life. You can’t go back to being normal. You can’t go back to meaningless scenes stitched together by the forgettable thread of wasted time.’
‘Fear isn’t only a guide to keep us safe. It’s also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life. The great stories go to those who don’t give in to fear.’
5. Tiny Beautiful Things (Cheryl Strayed)
You won’t want to read this when I tell you what it is.
But it is much better than it sounds. I promise!
Strayed wrote an agony aunt column (Dear Sugar) for many years. This is a collection of problems she received and her answers. It is unlike any advice column I’ve ever read. It is deep, profound and insightful.
Even if you don’t have the problem she addresses. It will still move you, deepen your love of life and fill you with hope.
This book is a balm for everything life throws our way.
Maybe a few quotes will convince you of the book’s depth and value:
‘Nobody will protect you from your suffering. You can’t cry it away, eat it away, starve it away, walk it away, punch it away, or even therapy it away. It’s just there, and you have to survive it. You have to endure it. You have to live through, love, and move on and be better for it. Run as far as you can in the direction of your best and happiest dreams. Go across the bridge that was built by your desire to heal.’
‘You will learn a lot about yourself if you stretch in the direction of goodness, of bigness, of kindness, of forgiveness, of emotional bravery. Be a warrior for love.’
‘You don’t have a right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt with. You must play the hell out of the ones you’re holding and my dear one, you and I have been granted a mighty generous one.’
Books can’t protect us from pain or make us bypass it. But I’ve found they can provide deep wisdom and guidance.
May you be strengthened to walk with courage and grace through whatever life throws at you.
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2 Recommended Resources:
Open: An Autobiography (Andre Agassi). Wow. What a read this was! As much about the internal world of Agassi as his external world. Moving and insightful. Great for those interested in sports. Even better for those interested in humanity.
How to control your blood sugar. I sometimes dip into the Feel Better, Live More podcast (Dr Rangan Chatterjee). I was inspired by this recent conversation with Jessie Inchauspé about sugar and glucose spikes. The impact on our daily mood & energy was very striking. (So inspired I bought her book!)
3 Quotes from Andre Agassi:
Treat this crisis as practice for the next crisis.
I’ve been cheered by thousands, booed by thousands, but nothing feels as bad as the booing inside your own head during those ten minutes before you fall asleep.
I tell myself: Remember this. Hold on to this. This is the only perfection there is, the perfection of helping others. This is the only thing we can do that has any lasting value or meaning. This is why we’re here. To make each other feel safe.
(Open: An Autobiography by Andre Agassi)
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