I just read your post, and I genuinely had to sit in silence after. It felt like someone across the world had cracked open the story I’ve been living... only you put words to it in a way that was raw, brave, and beautifully human.
We’re walking different paths, but what you’re doing with your voice and work resonates deeply with the transformation I’ve committed to in my own life. I'm building something called Quitter... a project about identity shift, letting go, and finally rewriting the story I’ve carried for years. Your journey is exactly the kind of example that makes this work feel necessary and possible.
More than anything, I just wanted to say I’m proud of what you’re creating. It’s rare, it’s real, and it’s reaching.
Love it, Derek! What a great piece. Do you have any thoughts on how to respond when people share their worries about the future as if they were today’s problems? I’ve been struggling with that lately.
Years of therapy has definitely helped reduce my anxiety over the years, but last year I had to face real—not hypothetical—problems. That experience created a new baseline for me. And here’s what I’ve noticed this year:
• When people are caught up in their own anxiety, they often have no emotional resources left to support others. It was really hard to find anyone who had the capacity to listen to me, too. I was in constant pain and couldn’t sit for more than 30 minutes after hip surgery. That’s obviously hard to relate to unless you’ve experienced it yourself—but still. Then, when people share their fears about things that might happen in 10 years (like visa rule changes in the UK), and those fears keep them up at night, I just feel it’s such a waste of energy—for them, primarily.
• At the same time, I find it draining to listen to these worries. I often feel like there’s nothing I can do to help. Validate? Hold their hand? Say, “It’s going to be okay”? You do that once or twice, but then the cycle repeats with a new round of worries the following week. I get it—that’s how the brain works after trauma. You stay on alert. But I feel lost.
Distancing myself and avoiding people doesn’t feel like a real solution either. But in this “Age of Anxiety,” as the band Arcade Fire puts it, you kind of run out of people if you’re hoping to find someone who’s less anxious.
This sounds tough Darya. All you can do if give the support you can. But then draw a firm boundary. Either explicitly asking to talk about something. Or subtly moving away from the conversation. Important but not easy.
Sound advice Derek. I’ve wasted so many hours and precious moments with others because of worry about the future. God gives us enough grace for each day. Bless you mate.
Sound advice Derek. I’ve wasted so many hours and precious moments with others because of worry about the future. God gives us enough grace for each day. Bless you mate.
This really resonated with me—before I even noticed it was you, Derek! I find it especially impressive (and inspiring) that you’re running two Substacks with such depth and intention.
As someone who’s struggled with anxiety, your approach speaks volumes. There’s a clear, rational, almost Socratic quality to it—rooted in common sense and real psychological insight—but it’s also deeply spiritual. The Jesus quotes in particular hit home for me in a powerful way, and it felt synchronistic to come across them now. I’ve just published this note on how the resurrection story has impacted me, even though I’m not a practicing Christian.
Your piece reminds me a lot of my own journey dealing with anxiety: learning to blend cognitive approaches—especially the work of David D. Burns—with a more soul-rooted spiritual path. Really grateful for your work.
Hi Derek,
I just read your post, and I genuinely had to sit in silence after. It felt like someone across the world had cracked open the story I’ve been living... only you put words to it in a way that was raw, brave, and beautifully human.
We’re walking different paths, but what you’re doing with your voice and work resonates deeply with the transformation I’ve committed to in my own life. I'm building something called Quitter... a project about identity shift, letting go, and finally rewriting the story I’ve carried for years. Your journey is exactly the kind of example that makes this work feel necessary and possible.
More than anything, I just wanted to say I’m proud of what you’re creating. It’s rare, it’s real, and it’s reaching.
Keep going. I’m rooting for you.
Wow - deeply moved by your Omar. Appreciate the time you've taken to share here.
Love it, Derek! What a great piece. Do you have any thoughts on how to respond when people share their worries about the future as if they were today’s problems? I’ve been struggling with that lately.
Years of therapy has definitely helped reduce my anxiety over the years, but last year I had to face real—not hypothetical—problems. That experience created a new baseline for me. And here’s what I’ve noticed this year:
• When people are caught up in their own anxiety, they often have no emotional resources left to support others. It was really hard to find anyone who had the capacity to listen to me, too. I was in constant pain and couldn’t sit for more than 30 minutes after hip surgery. That’s obviously hard to relate to unless you’ve experienced it yourself—but still. Then, when people share their fears about things that might happen in 10 years (like visa rule changes in the UK), and those fears keep them up at night, I just feel it’s such a waste of energy—for them, primarily.
• At the same time, I find it draining to listen to these worries. I often feel like there’s nothing I can do to help. Validate? Hold their hand? Say, “It’s going to be okay”? You do that once or twice, but then the cycle repeats with a new round of worries the following week. I get it—that’s how the brain works after trauma. You stay on alert. But I feel lost.
Distancing myself and avoiding people doesn’t feel like a real solution either. But in this “Age of Anxiety,” as the band Arcade Fire puts it, you kind of run out of people if you’re hoping to find someone who’s less anxious.
This sounds tough Darya. All you can do if give the support you can. But then draw a firm boundary. Either explicitly asking to talk about something. Or subtly moving away from the conversation. Important but not easy.
Absolutely true! Just showing up is a quiet kind of courage that often goes unnoticed, but it’s everything.
Amen!!!
https://nopharma.substack.com/p/insomnias-dirty-laundry-170-years?utm_source=substack&utm_content=feed%3Arecommended%3Acopy_link
Sound advice Derek. I’ve wasted so many hours and precious moments with others because of worry about the future. God gives us enough grace for each day. Bless you mate.
Cheers for commenting Ian - it's a gentle journey of learning to trust more. So we can enjoy the present.
Sound advice Derek. I’ve wasted so many hours and precious moments with others because of worry about the future. God gives us enough grace for each day. Bless you mate.
This really resonated with me—before I even noticed it was you, Derek! I find it especially impressive (and inspiring) that you’re running two Substacks with such depth and intention.
As someone who’s struggled with anxiety, your approach speaks volumes. There’s a clear, rational, almost Socratic quality to it—rooted in common sense and real psychological insight—but it’s also deeply spiritual. The Jesus quotes in particular hit home for me in a powerful way, and it felt synchronistic to come across them now. I’ve just published this note on how the resurrection story has impacted me, even though I’m not a practicing Christian.
Your piece reminds me a lot of my own journey dealing with anxiety: learning to blend cognitive approaches—especially the work of David D. Burns—with a more soul-rooted spiritual path. Really grateful for your work.
Thanks for sharing so honestly Alexis. This sort of connection is what makes Substack such a beautiful place.